ROCKY ROAD TO NEVER NEVER LAND (#72): A documentary filmmaker should tell the truth. For reasons outlined at the end of this post, I am writing stories until April 11. I believe I should write about someone I know, and the stories should be true. The person I know best is me, and if I tell the truth, it is about to become a rocky road.
There will be times when you won’t like me because you will think I was self-centered, always wanted my own way, didn’t consider other people’s feelings, and was manipulative. You’ll be correct. I can hear you saying, “Get over yourself. Grow up!” Do you remember the movie “Arthur”? Arthur’s uncle tells Arthur to grow up! Dudley Moore replies, “That’s easy for you to say, you don’t have 50 pairs of short pants hanging in your closet!”
Did you know that there is such a thing as the Peter Pan syndrome? This syndrome affects people who do not want to or feel unable to grow up or to engage in behaviour usually associated with adulthood. Some characteristics of the disorder are: the inability of individuals to take on responsibilities or to commit themselves; excessive care about the way they look and and their personal well-being; and their lack of self-confidence, even though they do not seem to show it and actually come across as exactly the opposite. Also they are constantly changing partners. Whenever the relationship starts to ask for a high level of commitment and responsibility, they become afraid and break it off.
You may remember in an earlier post I wrote that my motto was “NEVER!” Meaning never grow up, never get married, and never grow old. I am happily married finally, and I have reached the age of 70, but I still don’t want to “grow up”. Whenever I finish a project and ask Cathy for her feedback for the third or fourth time, she’ll say “Why are you so insecure? Your work is great!” Or, “Get over yourself! It’s not always about you!”
A friend wrote in response to one post, “Getting older sure brings on a lot of memories of my failures. It’s weird how all these memories are coming back at this time for me.” I certainly understand how she feels.
When Bob Hawkins was interviewing Tom Paxton, he asked Tom why there were so many protests about the war in Vietnam, but so few about the wars in the Middle East. Tom replied, “The draft! When you can be forced against your will into a situation where you might die, it gives you an entirely different perspective.”
I think a big difference now is the Covid-19 Pandemic. When people know that they are sick and dying, I’m sure they reflect on their successes and failures, and perhaps seek spiritual guidance, or at least the comfort of friends and family. Now we can be walking around healthy, and know that in a week we could be dead, or unconscious and intubated. I had a long walk and brunch Wednesday with a friend who is building a house up the street. He had just learned that his Maestro, or construction manager, died from Covid. Covid deaths are happening all around us. That certainly makes you think.
I realize I have made some big mistakes. To make myself feel better, I think, “Well, it takes a big person to make a big mistake, forgive them selves, and move on.” I can only hope that others have forgiven me also. Sometimes, by the time you realize you made a mistake, it is too late to say you’re sorry.
Do you still have reoccurring dreams? I have two. First, I forgot to take law school exam. When I ask the professor if I could take a make-up exam, he replies, “You never even came to class, now you want me to let take a make-up exam?” I always wake up before I got the “F” I deserved. Whew!
In the other dream, I run into a girl I that I dated and she decides to give me another chance. Or I think of the perfect girl I used to date and want to ask her out again. But, I don’t have a phone number and don’t know where they live anymore. Woke up feeling sad and lonely. Now, Cathy is here to make it all better.
Another Facebook friend pointed out that I was always with the “Pretty girl”. Guilty. But there were plenty of girls who wouldn’t give me the time of day. Fortunately, I was able to find some special people who were pretty on the inside and outside. Unfortunately, I didn’t know what to do once I found them. Before I met Cathy, I was finally getting what I had coming. Dumped, dumped, dumped, & dumped! Not fun, and it really made me think about the wonderful people that I had hurt.
Most of us don’t live a perfect life, but we have our bright spots. When I see friends on Facebook with their adorable grandchildren in their laps, I realize you don’t have to have led a perfect life, although I’m sure some of them did, to have a happy ending. Cathy and I never had children, but she has “adopted” people she cares about and helps. I have my friends and projects. We live in the perfect place for us. So life is good, and hopefully we’ll have that happy ending.
This project was started when I was notified by YouTube on January 11th that I had two copyright strikes because of complaints from John Prine’s record company, OhBoy Records. I has made a playlist of songs I wanted to use in my documentary “John Price: The Gulfport Years 2005 – 2020”. Oh Boy Records complained about copyright violations for 8 songs on the playlist, not the documentary itself. I took down the entire playlist, but not the documentary. I couldn’t bring myself to take it down “The Gulfport Years”, it is just so damn good!
So, I am just crossing my fingers that Fiona Prine will approve of the documentary and I don’t get another copyright strike before April 11th. YouTube says that with three copyright strikes in 90 days, “You’re out!” They will permanently take down my YouTube channel CAST Of CHARACTERS Live. Over a year’s work down the YouTubes.
I decided to do three things: try to reach Fiona Prine (so far no success); finish my website, where I can post anything that may bring a copyright complaint or is age restricted by YouTube (soon); and just write instead of making videos or “Musical Documentaries”. I set a goal of 100, stories this is #72.
Thank you for reading! I do have some accomplishments ahead, it just took me a while to find my way.
