HOME TO MEET THE PARENTS (#9): Now that Cathy and I were engaged, the next step was for me to meet her parents, who lived in Boulder, Colorado.
We decided to go the week before Thanksgiving and I picked a direct Continental flight Tampa to Denver that looked like it had plenty of seats. Things did not go as planned. This was a year after 9/11 and security was tight, so I always wore my Continental Employee ID badge on a blue lanyard around my neck.
I followed Cathy through the metal detector, but it beeped at me. I took off my belt and the lanyard, since it had a metal clasp. I checked for keys or loose change and tried again. I still got a warning beep. A TSA agent came over to me with a metal detecting wand and gave me the once over, the wand beeped. A TSA Supervisor came over and ran his wand down from my head to my feet. His wand also beeped as he went past my waist.
The Supervisor said, “Sir, would you please come with us.” Not a question. As they started to lead me away, I said, “I’m a Continental Employee. You can check the picture on my ID badge.” The answer, “Sir, you still need to come with us”. They led me away to a small room and when were inside they asked, “Are you sure you don’t have anything in your pockets?” They tried the wand again, slower this time, and it beeped when it past my crotch. “Sir, do you have any shrapnel? Have you had a hip replacement? Have you had a penile implant?”
They wanded me again, and the wand beeped when they got to my crotch. “”Sir, would you please drop your pants.” Again, not a question. “I have traveled to Bali, Ecuador, France, and Africa this year. I just got back from Florence. I have never had a problem!” “Sir, please drop your pants or you won’t be able to fly and we will report you to Continental!”
So I had to drop my pants. Luckily I didn’t start start going commando until the pandemic and the underwear bomber didn’t come along for another 7 years, so I got to keep on my tighty-whities. Again with the wand, again with the beep at the crotch, “Look guys, you can see there’s nothing there.”
At this point I honestly expected a new Allen Funt to come through the door and say, “Smile, you’re on the new Candid Camera!” I figured they picked me because I was wearing my Continental Employee badge. But all the TSA Supervisor said was, “You can go now Sir.”
As Cathy tells the story, “Finally Scott comes out and said they made him drop his pants!”