THANK YOU! (#53): We are now more than halfway to the goal of 100 stories by the end of March. I have been accurately accused by one of the original Characters of being all over the place, and I started getting eye rolls when I said, “I have a crazy idea!” Now, thanks to your support and comments (which I take as encouragement) I am going to finish this project and have my website up and running by the end of March, before I do anything else. Well, I am considering a new version of Tonio K.’s “Say Goodbye” to honor someone I came to admire after his passing.
Last night, I found myself awake at 3:00 in the morning trying to decide what to write about next. Dividing my life into chapters has made me think about “THE GOOD, THE BAD, & THE UGLY”. There has been a lot of good, I’ve been bad, and some was ugly. But even thinking about writing about those parts of my life has helped me come to terms with and accept the bad and the ugly.
I thought, this is helping me “PUT MY AFFAIRS IN ORDER.” Strange term, since I never had an affair or dated someone else’s wife. When I was single, there were times when I dated two women at the same time. I am sure I was guilty of a lie by omission, which I sincerely regret. I apologize to anyone I hurt. There is no excuse for hurting another person’s feelings.
We are living in a bizarre time, when we can get sick and die and not have a chance to make amends. By writing these stories, I may be trying to make amends, or I may merely be trying to justify my actions. I hope you can see a bit of me in yourself, and applaud the good we did, and forgive the bad. After all, we are only human, until we’re not. A line in John Prime’s “When I Get To Heaven” goes, “when you’re dead, you’re a dead pecker head!”
Another thought I had last night was “WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?” That was a tough one, since I never wanted to grow up.
I always knew I would live in Pass-a-grille Beach. I never knew what I want to be, besides well off financially.
I do remember, in my 30’s saying, “I want to be a writer.” I was serious about that, and even had dreams about being a writer. But I could never figure out a way to end a story without killing myself off. Writing was painful. It felt like I had cut my index finger with a knife and was writing with my blood. So, instead of finishing my two books, I invested in a movie. I put up $10,000 with the promise that the next project would be based on one of my unfinished novels. But that is another story.
In high school and college, I worked as a bell boy, a night clerk, a landscaper, an electrician’s helper, a mason tender, and I mowed grass on a golf course. I always worked hard, saved my money, and spent it on VWs. I bought a second hand light green 1965 VW, then traded it in on a tan 1967 VW with a sunroof. In 1968, the summer after I was a senior in high school, I bought a brand new British racing green VW with a sunroof. It cost $1,860, and I paid cash.
I was smart, but never studied. I graduated 175th in my high school class. At St. Petersburg Junior College, I was into my fraternity brothers, beer, and girls, often in that order. During my first 3 semesters at JC, I took courses working towards a degree in Marine Biology. Bad choice. I later learned that I was deathly seasick. What actually doomed me as a marine Biologist was that I had no knack for chemistry, other than the boy/girl type, or for memorizing body parts. Once I got past “the thigh bone is connected to the hip bone”, I was totally lost.
I did excel in one part of my Anatomy class. When we dissected a dead white rat, I was very careful in skinning mine. I pinned it down in a spare dissecting tray and for weeks rubbed it over and over with salt to cure the pelt. Eventually it looked like a miniature bear rug, was soft, and didn’t smell at all. Allen Playford was the first of my ADE fraternity brothers at JC to get married. I gave it to him as a gag gift of a wedding present. Jan didn’t think it was funny.
I had a 2.5 GPA when it was time to register for the final semester of classes. I remember walking into the cafeteria, sitting at the ADE table, and announcing, “Maybe I’ll be a lawyer.” On the way out of the cafeteria, I through away my dissecting kit. That semester, taking Political Science classes, my GPA was a 3.2.
At the University of Florida I majored in Political Science, with a minor in Psychology. I always studied the week before exams, and graduated with High Honors. Upon graduation, I was disappointed to find that no one was coming to interview Political Science Majors.
There were two companies coming to interview graduates with any major, the Boy Scouts of America and the Good Humor Company. I was fed up with the Boy Scouts. No matter how long I roasted a potato wrapped in aluminum foil in the coals of a fire, it was still always raw. And while I had a good sense of humor, I just didn’t see any way I could make a living as a comedian.
I decided I had no choice but to go to law school!
Before we go to law school, I need to tell you about the two times I made the newspaper while at Junior College. So tomorrow, “THE TOPLESS CAR WASH & A NO HITTER.”
